


Memories

by cecania



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 06:31:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecania/pseuds/cecania
Summary: Sometimes the past is best forgotten. Sometimes it's all you want to remember. But even if all the pieces are there in front of you, a little help might be needed to try to connect them.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a small exploration of my apprentice's history or lack thereof.

 

            Julian didn’t look up from his book when he heard a gentle jingle. He could smell the coffee Veera had gone to get, along with the spiced tea Mazelinka had gotten her hooked on. He tracked her across the small room, listening to the coins jingling on her bracelet. “Thank you, my dear,” he murmured, looking as she came up to the bed.

            She passed him a mug, smiling as she sat on the edge of the mattress. He watched her tuck her legs up as she cradled her own cup in her hands, sipping at it as she watched him over the rim.

            There was something on her mind. It had been there since they’d gotten into the house earlier but she hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t pushed, knowing that sometimes it took time to find the right words.

            He took a drink of his coffee, pleased at the taste and that she hadn’t snuck anything into it this time. Which also meant she wouldn’t try to steal any of it from him. Closing his book, he kept a finger in the pages to hold his place as he looked back at her. Her eyes were dancing a little and the cup wasn’t enough to fully hide her smile. “What’s going on, Veera?” he murmured.

            She took another sip before lowering the cup with a sigh. “That obvious?” she asked ruefully.

            He lifted his brows at her. She hadn’t been exactly subtle about it.

            Veera sucked on her cheek, looking away for a moment before looking back. “May I see your money?”

            He blinked, stared, and blinked again. “Ah, my…what?”

            “You can say no,” she continued, “and I’m not going to take any of it! I promise that’s not what I want it for.”

            He was staring at her again, not entirely sure what to think. Of all the things he’d thought would be on her mind, this was…not one of them. “I know you won’t take it, Veera,” he said slowly. “But why do you….” He stopped when she bit her lip and he realised she was flushing a little. What was even going on in her head that would have her acting like this? “It’s in my cloak,” he said, gesturing to where it hung on the wall.

            “I can?”

            Julian nodded, still bemused. He watched her set her cup on the floor before crossing to the clothing. She didn’t dig around for long before she was coming back with the pouch and settling cross legged at the end of the bed near his feet. His brows snapped up when she opened it to upend it across the blankets. “Ah, Veera?”

            She ignored him, setting the sack aside to start fanning out the coins.

            He watched, puzzled as her fingers started walking over the coins. The collection was an odd assortment to be sure and he had no idea why it would be of interest to her. She ran a shop that likely saw a plethora of customers come in from all walks of life and places. The coins he had on him couldn’t have been that fascinating to her.

            “What is this?” she asked, holding up a silver coin.

            “Uhm.” He squinted at it. “Hjallen drakr.”

            She pursed her lips, looking at the coin before setting it aside, away from the rest of the coins. “This one?”

            Larger, a dull gold. “Galbradine doubloon.”

            “Right. You paid for the fruit with this,” Veera said softly, setting it with the first coin.

            “Veera, what are you-” He stopped when she held up another coin and sighed. “Firentian pence.”

            It went on for a while, her simply holding up seemingly random coins for him to identify before setting them in the small pile beside her. She didn’t offer an explanation after asking, going through the larger pile until she found one.

            Julian watched as she brushed the coins out again, looking them over. There were several she hadn’t lifted, hadn’t even touched more than to move aside. “Done?” he asked mildly when she started scooping up handfuls to put back into his purse.

            She nodded. “With these at least,” she admitted.

            Drinking from his coffee, he made a face as he realised it had cooled off more than he liked. He set it and his book aside, starting to move. He froze when she smacked his leg, giving him a look.

            “You’re going to make me lose them!” Veera chided, carefully checking the pile beside her.

            “My dear, what are you even going to do with them?”

            “I’m not taking-”

            “Veera, I know you aren’t going to take them. Not that it would matter if you did. If you want money, you can have it.”

            Her head lifted, surprise coating her entire face. “What? Oh, Julian, no, I don’t. I mean, thank you,” she corrected quickly. “Thank you.”

            It was hard not to smile at how she was stumbling over her words. “What are they for, Veera?” he asked again as she set the purse aside.

            She scooped up the small pile she had made and looked at him again. “You’ve been to all these places, right?” she said, gesturing at the coins in her hand.

            “Most,” Julian agreed. “Some I got through trade.”

            “But…you know where they are? On a map, I mean.”

            Julian nodded and pushed away from the head of the bed. Reaching for the pile in her hands, he took one out and set it down. “Hjalle is a good place to start,” he murmured, tapping it before taking another. “Prakra is over here.”

            Veera made a quiet noise, holding out her hands while he placed them across the blankets. Her eyes followed every piece he put down and he heard her quietly repeating the names.

            When the last piece was on the blanket, they both looked it over. It was an impressive map, a testament to all of the places he’d been. Before and after he’d been on the run. But he still didn’t understand why she’d picked the ones she had.

            “Veera, you’re entitled to your secrets,” he said quietly, looking at her, “but why those ones?”

            She was still staring at their map, slowly trailing her fingers from the one closest to her to the ones closest to him. “We get foreign coin in the shop sometimes,” she said, her voice absent. “You get foreign coin all through the city given it’s a port but these…these ones are different.”

            “Why?”

            She held out her arm, pulling back her sleeve to show the bracelet around her wrist. “They’re all on here.”

            Reaching out, he caught her hand with one of his own and ran the other over the coins. Sure enough, he recognized most of them as the ones they’d spread out. Turning her hand, he followed them and frowned. “Some of these…I don’t recognize. Where are they from?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “How do you not know?” he asked, confused. “It’s your bracelet.”

            Veera sighed and he heard a lot of emotions in it, enough to make him pause to look at her again. “I…I’ve had it as long as I can remember,” she admitted. “But I don’t know _why_ I have it.”

            “How is that even….” Julian trailed off as he stared at the almost defeated look on her face. “Veera,” he said lowly, his voice aching, “you don’t remember either?”

            She shook her head slowly, blowing absently at the white strands that fell across her face. “You don’t remember what happened the night the Count died. I don’t remember anything before three years ago. Anytime I try…well. It’s just better I don’t.”

            “Veera,” he whispered, not caring about the coins on the bed as he moved closer to her. “Nothing? Not your parents? Your family? Your life?”

            “Nothing.”

            She said it so simply, as if it wasn’t a huge deal, as if she wasn’t missing the majority of her life. He was only missing a night, a handful at most, and it tormented him every day. It haunted his thoughts, chased him wherever he went, found him whether he was awake or asleep. But it was only a short amount of time. She…was missing her entire life and had never mentioned anything about it. What kind of ass was he? Going on and on about what he might have done and what he’d forgotten when she couldn’t even remember her parents?

            “It’s alright,” she murmured, reaching out to gently rub his cheek. “It’s alright.”

            He stared at her, aghast. “Why are you comforting me?” he asked. “Veera, you don’t remember your life! I should be the one comforting you!”

            A soft smile crossed her face. “Why? You aren’t the one that made me lose them, Julian. You didn’t even know until just now.”

            He kept staring, unable to think of something to say. What could he say? Sorry? He doubted that was what she wanted to hear and it was almost meaningless coming from him. She was right, he didn’t have anything to do with her memory loss, but he felt like he needed to say something, _anything_.

            She stroked him again, gently trailing her fingers along his jaw. “It’s alright, Julian,” she assured him, pushing off the bed. “They’re just memories. I make new ones every day. Good ones.”

            She’d started away from the bed but she froze when his hand snapped out and locked on her wrist.

            He felt her stiffen under his grasp but he didn’t let go and she didn’t move. “Veera, you cannot believe what you just told me,” he said, straining to keep his voice even. “You can’t be okay with most of your life being gone.”

            She didn’t stiffen this time but he felt a shudder ran through her, hard enough she swayed on her feet.

            Julian could just see her face, see the way she was blinking rapidly, licking her lips, swallowing reflexively. He saw her struggling to maintain her composure and guilt tugged at him. He shouldn’t have pushed. Even if he’d known she was lying, he shouldn’t have pushed. “Veera, I’m so-”

            “I have to be okay with it,” she whispered, interrupting him. “I have to because I don’t have any other choice. Every time I try to remember, I can’t. Every time I try, I get headaches that make me pass out. So I have to be okay. I can’t-”

            His guilt soared when her voice broke on the last word then gave out entirely. Tugging on her gently, he pulled her into his lap, letting her straddle him. He felt worse when she wouldn’t quite meet his eye. “Veera, I’m sorry I asked. I know how it feels to be missing even a part of yourself like that. I shouldn’t have asked.”

            Her eyes closed and her arms wound around him as she leaned into him, tucking her face against his neck. “You didn’t know,” she said quietly.

            His hands moved over her back, stroking slowly. He should have known. She never talked about much beyond the shop, never mentioned family or anything along the lines of it. She barely said anything about her hobbies, what she did outside of running the shop, nothing. “I’m still sorry that I hurt you by asking,” he murmured into her hair.

            Her sigh danced over his skin. “Some days it doesn’t bother me,” Veera admitted. “I’m busy enough, have enough on my mind I can forget that so much is missing. Other days, it consumes me to the point I can’t leave my bed. It’s all I can think about, the people I might have forgotten, the things I’ve done with my life. It’s all just gone and I can’t remember any of it.”

            He didn’t stop her as she cuddled closer to him, wrapping his arms around her to hug her tightly. He knew that feeling. The guilt that clawed at you, the not knowing that ate you from the inside out. The desperation to know something, to just have a glimmer to go on. Oh, he knew it only too well.

            “So I smile like nothing’s wrong, that it doesn’t bother me, that I’m perfectly fine with everything that has happened.”

            The quiet way she said it, the defeat in her voice, was so different from the confidence he was used to and it completely gutted him. “You don’t have to pretend with me,” Julian said, rubbing his cheek over her hair. “You know that, right?”

            Her lips brushed against his neck, small soft kisses. “You know the same thing goes for you?”

            He started to scoff, to say that he didn’t need that, but it died when she kissed him again, lingering this time. “I know,” he said quietly.

            She leaned against his shoulder, slumping into him. “I know it’s important, the bracelet,” she said quietly, “but why would I have coins from all of those places?”

            “Perhaps you’ve been to them.”

            Veera laughed. “I don’t think so.”

            “Why not? If you don’t remember, how do you know you didn’t travel?”

            She pulled away slowly and any other time he would have laughed at the look on her face. She looked so puzzled and…cute. Undeniably cute. “Oh, well, I suppose, I could have,” she said hesitantly. “Maybe.”

            Julian studied her, thinking for half a moment. It was stupid, it was so incredibly stupid when they didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, it was insanely stupid when he was still the prime suspect for Lucio’s murder, but…. “I’ll take you to them.”

            Veera jerked back, her eyes wide. “What?” she said, half of a laugh in her voice. “Julian, you can’t be serious!”

            She thought he was joking? “Deathly so,” he said firmly. “I’ll take you to every single country on your bracelet.”

            He watched as the realisation that he was serious slowly sank in. Her tongue swiped across her lower lip and she leaned back into him a little. “Julian, you can’t pr-”

            “I’ll promise whatever I want and I promise I’ll take you to every place on your bracelet. I’ll figure out the ones I don’t know and take you to them.”

            She blinked at him before she seemed to soften completely. “I’m going to hold you to that,” she breathed, closing the distance between them.

            He threaded his fingers through her hair, kissing her back. But it wasn’t her clever tongue that had his heart pounding. It was a foolish thing to promise when the noose was so close to his neck, but he was going to do his damnedest to make it happen. Whatever happened, he would make sure that she got to see all of those countries. He would love to be the one that showed her but come the worst….

            Shoving the thought aside, he kept his grip on Veera and toppled them onto the bed. Her delighted giggle made it easier to forget, for now.


End file.
